How to Manage Incontinence During a Zombie Apocalypse!


As any fan of The Walking Dead will tell you – a zombie apocalypse is coming and we all need to be prepared. Even the CDC agrees – and they’ve even written a great guide to the coming zombie apocalypse. But they left out some important tips – so we’ve collected our best zombie wisdom below just for you!


According to Harvard psychiatrist Steven Schlozman the condition is known as as Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome. It is caused by an infectious agent, sometimes known as solanum.

But no matter how it starts, we know it ends with zombies taking over entire countries, roaming city streets eating anything living that gets in their way. So what can you do to ensure your brains aren’t on the menu?

I’m going to share our top four tips with you here but it all boils down to this: Emergency preparedness is key. So whether it’s a hurricane, a tornado, a visit from your in-laws or a zombie apocalypse, here are four secrets to preparing for an emergency when you have urinary incontinence.

  • First, have a “go-bag” prepared. This should include a change of clothes or two, at least a week’s supply of your Men’s Liberty, wet wipes and an anti-zombie weapon of your choice. Be sure to include any other medical supplies you might need like inhalers, prescriptions and the like. I also recommend the three items you should always have because they work for tons of stuff – a tub of Vaseline, a roll of duct tape and a utility knife. You can do a lot with those!
  • Number two, food and water. Lack of preparation in this area means dehydration could get you before the zombies do. Make sure you have one gallon of water per person per day. Tablets for making water potable and plenty of canned goods are also essential. Just because you have incontinence doesn’t mean you can get away with depriving your body of adequate hydration.
  • Number three, work with your community to establish an evacuation route. Everyone should have a role. Some members of your local community may be marked as guards, others as decoys to attract the zombies away from your location. Someone should be in charge of transportation – preferably a non-squeamish neighbor with a large truck and a willingness to run over zombies if required. Make sure you have a designated nurse that can be trusted with all your medical supplies. Make friends with him or her. You’ll need them.
  • And finally, number four, designated one member of your family to join the CDC’s Zombie Task Force. This individual will be responsible for assisting the CDC while they conduct an investigation into the outbreak. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine). A doctor is a good candidate but a pathologist is an even better one! Make sure your local autopsy professional is on-call for when the disease outbreak begins.


So what else should you be packing? Have we missed anything? Let us know about your zombie apocalypse plans in the comments. My zombie apocalypse survival team is just about set up – we’re still looking for a pathologist – any nominations let me know!


 

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